Friday, 17 January 2014

Blue benches for a Blue Monday

There's trouble in Paradise. Oh, yes there is. 

No one can find anything to smile about. 


http://www.flickr.com/photos/roblawol/

Eddie, my Inner Editor: This is a depressing way to begin. Why not just show some cheerful blue benches?

You're missing the point here, Eddie. This is blue in the sense of depressing.

But that's depressing. A better way to begin would be to introduce me and show my picture. 




This is Eddie, my Inner Editor. Who just happens to be a primate. 

Thank you. I'm feeling better already.

OK, can we get on with it now? It's fast approaching Blue Monday, the Most Depressing Day of the Year. 

Never heard of it. When is it?

It's the third Monday in January. This year it's January 20th.

What's so bad about that?

No one knows what to do with themselves.

There's a real sense of ennui about everything.


http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/walter-sickert/ennui


Is there any reason for Blue Monday?


Indeed there is. In true Power Point style I will now outline these reasons using bullet points and providing photographic and/or case study evidence for each point. 

That sounds even more boring than Blue Monday. 

I promise it won't be. 

But pay attention! I might ask you questions about it later. 


BLUE MONDAY:FACT OR FICTION? 


  • The festivities are behind us, leaving a feeling that something is missing from our lives
ebay


The hustle and bustle is over, leaving the mall benches empty of shoppers.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonask/


It's no good going off to the pub. That's closed too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/stefan-szczelkun/

Eddie:  You may notice I am highlighting key points as we go. This is what good students do.

Yes, back to work, back to school. After all the joys of the season, there is no joy whatsoever. 

This is dismal. You should show some nice blue benches. 

Even clowns are miserable.



The sad clown thing is clichéd. I hope we're not going to have to endure any more sad clowns. That would be depressing. 

  •  Many of us have over-indulged ourselves during the holidays. 

I don't call the odd pack of dry roasted peanuts an over-indulgence.

Not everyone is as restrained as you though, Eddie. 

For example, Miggy was given two family-sized boxes of Milk Tray, one box of Black Magic, and a giant Toblerone. 



photo by Sheila B

A minute on the lips, a year on the hips.


Exactly. She can now see it was a mistake to eat all of them in one go.


photo by Sheila B

Yes, before you ask, Migs, your bum DOES look big in this.

Even Lady Brassica succumbed to the mountain of chocolates she'd been given.





I would like to see a balance to this argument. Is there anyone who enjoys Blue Monday?

Well, yes. Root over-indulges himself every day of the year and is none the worse for wear on Blue Monday. No more than usual I mean. 

He looks rather pleased with himself after driving the car on the bench outside the dustpan and i-pod. 





So far the evidence for Blue Monday is weak. I'd give it up and show some attractive blue benches. 

Wait a minute. Here are a couple more reasons for Blue Monday.


  • Some of us have already broken our new year's resolutions. 
Resolutions are made to be broken. January 17th is Ditch Your New Year's Resolution Day. 

Many of us didn't last that long though. 

This fellow resumed smoking before the fireworks finale on new year's eve.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mednyg

And this fellow keeps smoking despite knowing that Smoking Kills.





Empty wine glass, beret, manbag, Toulouse Lautrec moustache. Hmmmm. Looks like Jench de Bench is back.

No, he seems to be in Paris. And long may it stay that way.

So what's the big deal about new years resolutions? I suppose there's some psychological theory about this?

Yes. When we break our resolutions, our faith in ourselves is shattered.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/reid-bee/ 

Here I will introduce two case studies to illustrate my argument.

Do you have to?

Yes, Eddie, I'm trying to make a convincing case for Blue Monday.

Case study 1:   Lady Jessica Brassica, wife of Lord Brassica, Fifth Earl of Drizzly, resolved to stop being envious of Innocent, her younger and more fashionable daughter-in-law. In particular, Innocent's modelling career seems to be taking off as Joop designs clothes for her which are capturing the imagination of the catwalk watchers. Meanwhile, Lady B's fashion star is fading.

Do we need to know all this? 

Yes. I'm trying to tell you why Lady B is feeling so blue.

Well, get on with it then.

Two items of evidence are introduced here:

1.  Lady B created a fashion faux-pas by appearing at Innocent's New Year's Eve party dressed in sparkly silver. 





What's wrong with silver? 

Lady B did not seem to realise that the theme of the party was gold.

Or that her top is somewhat suggestive of bondage.  

Yes. That's a point not lost on the fashion magazines.

2.   Innocent, however, was stylishly and stunningly wrapped in gold lamé,   complete with matching accessories and her natural allure.




So whilst Lady B looked like a fizzled-out firework, Innocent started 2014 with a bang. 

Quite. And Lady B therefore broke her envy resolution on January 1st. Since then she has indulged in rather a lot of eating. 






Good heavens. It all seems to have gone to her hips. She looks like one of those crocheted toilet roll covers.

Indeed. So are you starting to be convinced by my argument, Eddie?

Not really. So far Blue Monday seems to be about smoking and eating.

Don't pretend to miss the point, Eddie. And by the way, could you please stop highlighting stuff; it's really distracting for my readers who are trying to follow this complex argument.

I am not convinced that this blog has readers. 

I can produce evidence for that but right now I am introducing Case Study 2.

Case study 2:  Biff is one of our Fribble Agro gang members. He's the purple snarling one on the skateboard.





On January 1st he resolved to stop destroying public property. 

On January 3rd he bashed out the glass in the bus shelter . . .  




http://www.flickr.com/photos/reid-bee/



. . . and then destroyed one of the benches in Paradise Park.


http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Broken_bench

This is just wanton vandalism. 

It may seem inexcusable but don't be too quick to judge: it may be a symptom of Blue Monday Syndrome.

OK, I'm losing patience with this psycho-babble. What exactly is Blue Monday Syndrome?

Onset is at the stroke of midnight on Blue Monday and symptoms generally last until British Summer Time begins at the end of March. 

In Biff's case, symptoms have been lifelong. Nothing to do with Blue Monday.

I realise this was rather a complicated point in the presentation. 

I hope you haven't nodded off. 


http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrfuller/

Goodness, people have such a short attention span these days.

And getting shorter all the time. Do get on with it. 


  • Of course, the weather doesn't help. This time of year, everything is covered in snow.



  • That bitter wind never stops blowing. 



http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_North_Wind_and_the_Sun

Benches get blown every which way.

Exposure by Matt Calderwood 2013

I don't think these are benches. Are you sure they're not Art?

There's a fine line, Eddie. A fine line. 

Those arty benches must have got blown about by the wind. And benches get stranded in floods. 


©Nigel Chadwick http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bench

Here in Fribble-under-Par my two husbands had to go out and try to rescue the street furniture on the seafront. 

This is definitely not Art. 


photo by Sheila B

Here at home, our beautiful garden looks like the Slough of Despond.


The Pilgrim's Progress, 1673

My imaginary husband Mungo went out to dig our benches out of the mud.

Meanwhile, my real husband, His Excellency, is in despair. 

Must be Blue Monday. 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1890-05_van_Gogh  

We know we're lucky though. Some people have been buried in snow and weren't able to have their Christmas picnics.

  ©Carrie Smith http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wea03767


And worse still, people have found that they are no longer allowed to have commemorative benches.

No commemorative benches? Whyever not?

Because some councils say they are too depressing.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/didbygraham/

Is there something I'm missing here? What part of many happy hours don't these people understand? 

I know, Eddie, I know. But we need to get back to the Powerpoint. 
  
  • Finally, and perhaps most importantly, after the Christmas festivities, many people find themselves in debt
All that money seems to have gone down the drain.




Following weeks of frivolous spending, they have learned that money isn't found on benches


http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimsmith/

Sometimes it is. 


http://www.flickr.com/photos/jpinlac/


OK, I agree. Just occasionally you will find a bench made out of money.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/4_foto/


You have shown three money benches. You have shown no blue benches at all. 

You know what I'm saying though, don't you? By mid January many people realise that financially, they don't have a leg to stand on.

photo by Sheila B

So, to sum up, on Blue Monday it's easy to look ahead and see nothing but bleak benches


photo by Mungo

This post is really dreary and getting drearier by the minute. You should have taken my advice to show blue benches for Blue Monday. 


http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2003-07_Blue_bench



But the thing is, Eddie, Blue Monday is just a media creation by a travel company. The idea is that if you're really feeling that bad, you'll be more inclined to book a holiday. After the bleakness of Blue Monday, you'll feel you deserve it. 

I deserve a holiday after suffering this story.

Blue Monday is just a PR stunt to try to get you to spend money on a holiday. You fork out on the holiday you can't afford and this is added to the debt you ran up over Christmas. Come the end of March, you've got serious debt.

But you don't mind because the weather improves, the light returns, and spring usually springs, more or less, as the bleakness of mid-January is forgotten for another year.  

Exactly! I'm glad you have understood my argument here, Eddie. You have a sharp academic mind. 

You haven't. You should have done a simple story about blue benches.

I have a lot of blue benches. 




©  | Dreamstime Stock Photos

But that's not the point of Blue Monday.

You could even have typed the whole thing in blue.

I wish I'd thought of that. Oh well, too late now.

Happy Blue Monday!  




Credits



The disturbing clown picture at the start is by Rob at  http://www.flickr.com/photos/roblawol/   He snapped the clown on a bench in City Hall Park in New York City in July 2013. I'm one of many people who has added this to their favourites. Rob has lots of candid images from the streets in his photostream, including people sitting, sleeping, and doing all manner of peculiar things on benches. NYC - what a city! 

Ennui is a very famous post-impressionist painting. Doesn't it just capture the spirit of mid-January? Ennui is by English painter Walter Sickert (1860-1942). It was painted about 1913 and is now in the Ashmolean Museum in Oxford. It is in the public domain due to its age, available at the marvelous http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/walter-sickert/ennui    

The empty mall is in fact a railway station, photographed in 2009 by Jonas K, whose title for the photo is Bleak. A perfect fit with Blue Monday. Jonas K lives in Berlin and travels widely. His glorious photo sets include Iceland, Mexico, Holland, Israel, Sweden, Latvia and others.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonask/

Stefan Szczel is a visual artist and writer in London. He photographed the boarded up pub (which he calls Dead Pub) at St John's Hill in Battersea in 2007. His photostream contains, among other things, rather a lot of intriguing boarded up, closed, and about-to-be demolished places. He also photographs a lot of vegetables and his profile picture shows him wearing an attractive cabbage leaf mask.   http://www.flickr.com/photos/stefan-szczelkun/

The sad clown was one I saw in an antiques shop here on Paradise Island. We have several of these in Fribble-under-Par. Some are Antiquaries and sell very high-class stuffed fish in glass cases. Others are called something like Vintage Clutter and sell old clutter, especially cheap knick-knacks of people sitting on benches.   

The fat woman on a bench is not Miggy; you knew that, didn't you? Sheila B's fat woman on a bench is from the Cyprus Art College. Sheila lives in Cyprus some of the year and takes a lot of great pictures for me in the brilliant sunlight. She also photographed the lone broken plastic chair on the beach and the bench with a broken leg. Whatever would I do if I didn't have other people's pictures to inspire me?

The man smoking on a bench is actually a tramp. Tramp Seated on a Bench was painted by Hungarian painter Lazlo Mednyanzsky (1852-1919) in about 1898. It's one of the thousands of brilliant paintings in the public domain because of its age. Mednyánszky himself had an aristocratic background but mingled with all kinds of people across society and liked to paint scenes of poor working people.  Many of his works are in the Slovak National Gallery in Bratislava and in the Hungarian National Gallery in Budapest.  He was wounded in the first world war and died of his wounds in the spring of 1919.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_Medny%C3%A1nszky

Jench de Bench is a former editor of a Benchsite post about edible benches. Jench hails from Potirons in France and has been gone from Paradise Island for some time, following my veiled threat to turn him into pumpkin soup. However, Jench's younger self is Garçon Orange, who is very much in evidence around Fribble-under-Par. Indeed, he is engaged to our very own Tamsin, she of the sweet disposition and massive green feet. For Tamsin's perspective on benches and all things cute, see http://benchsite.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/big-bench-small-bench-cute-and-tiny.html

Oh, I am very fond of bus shelters. Don't miss my Bus Stop Benches and the story of Biff's sad history of bus-stop vandalism. But in the meantime, isn't this shattered bus shelter in Toronto a stunning photograph? It was taken in 2010  by Sarah R, aka jazzijava from Ontario. Sarah is a nutritionist and foodie so not surprisingly her photostream contains a lot of food pictures. That banana caramel fondant looks delish! http://www.flickr.com/photos/reid-bee/

The full story of the Silver vs. Gold debacle is revealed through evidence in a previous blog. To summarise, Lady Brassica says that Innocent invited her to a silver-themed party. Innocent denies this, claiming that everyone else realised the theme was gold and that Lady B was just trying to attract attention to herself by turning up in silver. If so, it seems to have backfired badly, as most of the chat on the fashion forums has come down on Innocent's side. Then again,chat on forums is notoriously fickle . . . 

Lady Jess may indeed have put on weight over new year but she has actually worn this black crocheted outfit before. It is in fact a crocheted toilet roll cover, displayed prominently in the Benchsite Toilets post

The Agro gang has a long history of trouble and Biff is well known as a bench smasher. Nevertheless, the gang did me proud in a dazzling post about bus stop benches

The broken bench in snow was photographed in Briant Park, Summit, New Jersey in 2009. The photographer was Tomwsulcer, who released the photo into the public domain at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Broken_bench_Briant_Pond_Park_Summit_NJ_2009.jpg?uselang=en-gb

Michael Fuller is from Toronto but currently lives in Perth. His photo sets show a lot of physical activities around the world, like kitesurfing, sailing, scuba, rock climbing, camping, dune-bashing, stargazing, swimming and yes, of course, standing on the roofs of cars  http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrfuller/  The bored, sleeping students is a photo called Cozy Students, taken during a Classafloat sailing adventure http://www.classafloat.com/  

Tamsin Pink is wearing her woolly green coat in the snow-blanketed town which you could be forgiven for thinking was Fribble-under-Par here on Paradise Island. No. It's Parry Sound, Ontario and it comes from the best-ever adult colouring book Fantastic Cities, by Steve McDonald. I had a brilliant time colouring only the vertical surfaces in this picture so that the horizontal ones look like snow. Well, I think they do, anyway.


The North Wind and the Sun is an illustration by Milo Winter for The Aesop for Children by Aesop. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_North_Wind_and_the_Sun_-_Wind_-_Project_Gutenberg_etext_19994.jpg  The illustration comes from Project Gutenberg, with the following text:  This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

The bench in the flooded lake was photographed in Mote Park by Nigel Chadwick in November 2009 http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bench_in_the_flooded_lake,_Mote_Park_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1610018.jpg?uselang=en-gb

'Christian still endeavoured to struggle to that side of the slough that was farthest from his own house.' The Slough of Despond is from John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress (1673) p 31. If you want to see more photos of my delightful house and garden, see La Casa Perfecta

Vincent Van Gogh's paintings and sketches are in the public domain because the artist has been dead more than 70 years. It's just brilliant looking at Wiki Paintings and they're so well organised and informative. Van Gogh did many sketches and paintings of people, including At Eternity's Gate, 1890. 
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1890-05_van_Gogh_At_Eternitys_Gate_anagoria.jpg

Eddie's right; some things that look like benches are actually art. In his Exposure exhibition at the de la Warr Pavilion in Bexhill, Matt Calderwood explores the physical properties of material and its transformative quality. His Exposure Sculpture (2013) are geometric structures made from welded steel clothed in billboard paper. Located on the roof during the summer months, they were reassembled in the gallery space indoors and reveal the results from the four months' exposure to the elements during the outdoor installation prior to the exhibition. I was lucky enough to see them in December 2013.

The picnic tables buried under snow were in Washington DC in 2010. This is a photo by Carrie Smith from the NOAA Central Library.   http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wea03767_-_Flickr_-_NOAA_Photo_Library.jpg  This image is in the public domain because it contains materials that originally came from the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, taken or made as part of an employee's official duties. For the full story and full glory of picnic benches, see Lord Brassica's guide to picnic benches, one of Benchsite's most popular posts. 

Graham Richardson lives in Plymouth in Devon and is an information analyst. Some of the information he found is that South Lanarkshire council in Scotland  has banned commemorative benches and trees from its parks and open spaces after complaints that they were depressing. Depressing Benches was photographed by Graham in 2007.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/didbygraham/  Graham runs a transit blog so his photo sets include ever such a lot of buses, trucks and vans. 

Kim Smith owns a dramatic web design company in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She photographed the money bench in 2007.  Her photo sets contains lots of friends and family and her landscapes  make Michigan look like a beautiful place. In fact, Mackinac Island doesn't look so different from my own Paradise Island . . . http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimsmith/

Josef Pinlac loves New York City. His Somebody's Watching bench stacked with money (and a pair of eyes) was taken in NYC in 2009 and his photostream is full of joys of living in the city. Looks like one of them was the Polar Bear swim at Coney Island on January 1, 2014. Ohhhh, I wish I'd been there. http://www.flickr.com/photos/jpinlac/

The multi-coloured money bench was photographed in 2007 in the Chicago Children's Museum. It's by 4_foto at  http://www.flickr.com/photos/4_foto/

Mungo took some photos of benches on the Cuckoo Trail in East Sussex, where he was cycling just before Christmas. There are many benches and sculptures along the trail and no doubt they are fine in the greenery of summer. Let's just say that in December they weren't looking their best. 

The blue bench with matching rubbish bin was photographed by Ildar Sagdajev in 2003 in Carrboro, North Carolina.   http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2003-07_Blue_bench_and_garbage_receptacle.jpg?uselang=en-gb

The blue stadium seats are from Jon Helgason at Dreamstime. ©  | Dreamstime Stock Photos If you don't care for blue, here's a post about red benches  . . . Or orange ones.  Or romantic white ones. 

I do actually have a whole file of brilliant blue benches but I'm saving them for a less depressing post. Not fair, I know. Just when you need cheering up, I offer a post with the bleakest benches I've got. If you're stick of depressing benches, have a look at the smile benches from last summer. They're guaranteed to cheer you up on Blue Monday. 

If for some reason blue isn't your colour of choice, we have lots of other colours here on Benchsite. Romantic white benches, for example. Or springy yellow ones. Maybe you'd prefer red? If you're in a holiday mood, how about  black benches for Black FridayPretty purple benches? No problem. There are sunny yellow benches for spring and sparkly gold and silver benches for parties. There are 50 shades of grey and pink benches to coincide with the release of That film. For more uplifting, upcycled benches see the green ones at http://benchsite.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/recycled-upcycled-repurposed-benches.html  Somewhere there must be a colour you like!

Here is my bleakest bench of all time. It's located on a housing estate where Mungo's parents live and is used exclusively for dogs to pee against. We have to drive past it all the time. One of my new year resolutions is to get some bright paint and paint it. Blue, red, pink, anything. But not until someone clears away all the dog mess.



Friday, 10 January 2014

The Silver and The Gold - a New Year debacle

The Island Independent

Paradise Island's only independent paper

Friday January 3, 2014


Lady Innocent Brassica
There was discontent in Drizzly on  new year's eve when one noted guest chose to ignore the party's gold theme and turned up dressed in sparkly silver. 

"All but one person kept to the gold theme," said Lady Innocent Brassica, daughter-in-law of Lord and Lady Brassica of Drizzly Manor. "She chose to ignore my request to wear gold but it didn't spoil the party." 

The fashion faux pas was committed by non other than Lady Jessica Brassica, known in the past for her elegance and style but lately fading in the shining light of her younger, prettier daughter-in-law. Friends close to the family suggest that the two women are in competition now that Lady Jessica has been dumped by her long-term friend and designer Joop, from Overbearing in Holland.

A source who wished to remain anonymous explained, "Joop was her guiding light and he has kept her stylish for years. Now he has fresh ideas and he wants them shown to the world by a younger, prettier model."  

In a recent article in Vogue, Joop stated, "Innocent is a striking woman with a unique presence which has captured the imagination of the world's fashion press." 

He declined to comment on the end of his long relationship with Lady Jessica. 



The Fribble and Drizzly White Lie

Jolly good news, well told

Friday January 3, 2014
Mr and Mrs. Mariner (left) with  Tamsin Pink and Garçon Orange


New Year's Eve went off with a bang at Drizzly Manor this year, thanks to Lord and Lady Brassica's daughter-in-law Innocent. Lord Brassica is the owner of this newspaper and we were all delighted when Innocent married their son Root in July.  Since then she has been a rising star in this community and around the world. 

The future Lady Brassica has begun to make an impact by introducing her dazzling style and original ideas into traditional events. Innocent's Gold themed New Year's Eve party was a hit with all the Fribble and Drizzly residents who were lucky enough to be invited.

"The gold themed party was a hit. I was lucky enough to be invited," said Willie Wyme, our local Police Constable

Mr. and Mrs. Mikey Mariner were also invited, having been married at Drizzly Manor last year. They enjoyed Innocent's gold champagne with their friends Tamsin Pink and 
Garçon Orange. Gold benches, gold fireworks, gold champagne in gold goblets - a great night was had by all.

"We all had a great night," said Miggy McAlister from neighbouring Fribble-under-Par.

But most of the praise was for Innocent herself, a model whose career is internationally acclaimed. Innocent's natural allure is well documented in fashion benches magazines throughout Europe and she has launched a number of dress collections for her designer, Joop, from Overbearing in Holland. 

"Innocent lit up the night sky like a gold halo hovering over a field of golden wheat," said Lord Brassica, owner and editor of this newspaper.  "We are very proud of her."

Lady Brassica was not available for comment. 



Paris MisMatch

7 janvier 2014

Le cheval Tonks, Lord Brassica de Drizzly et son fils Root
L'argent ou le doré?

Tout le monde s'accorde a reconnaitre que le cheval Tonks est magnifique pour l'année
nouvelle 2014.

Mais les relations se détériant entre Lady Innocent et Jessica Brassica de Drizzly.

Selons certain rumeurs, l'heure de vérité approche pour Lady Jessica Brassica, qui a une mauvaise appreciation du rhythme de changement souhaitable.
L'argent ou le doré?  Le débat fait rage!






Frank Fashion Weekly

Telling it like it is

Monday January 6, 2014

The bigger they come, the harder they fall. Such is the case with Lady Jessica Brassica, well known for her elegant dress sense and her dignified modelling for The House of Joop. A frequent visitor to Overbearing in Holland for the past decade, Lady B and Joop have now parted company, with Joop's designs being modelled exclusively by Lady Innocent Brassica, who just happens to be married to Lady Jessica's numpty son Root. 


Fashion disaster: Lady Jessica Brassica
On New Year's Eve Lady Jessica's greatest fashion faux pas was in the spotlight for all to see. She turned up in a glittery silver frock reminiscent of the Bondage Fairy. Strands of silver rope criss-crossed her breasts, offset by a skirt which can only be described as a giftwrap ribbon. Whilst the skirt left little to the imagination, aliens from some silver planet must have swept in on a fascinator that would have been hilarious if it weren't so cliched.

"A fashion disahster, darhling," said Joop from his studio in Holland. 

Joop's Yarnbomb Collection last autumn was a hit the world over and catapulted Innocent to the front fashion pages and even the covers of global magazines. Rumours are rife on Bench blogsites that Innocent will give Joop's Downton Abbey servant's dress a whole new and exciting lease of life in his Spring collection. 


Golden Girls Tamsin Pink and Mrs. Mikey Mariner
Those who attended Innocent's Gold themed New Year's Eve party at the Brassica's stately pile were amazed at the variety of gold tones and textures worn by guests. Even local gang members turned up in gold.

Fribble Agro gang member Hood-D was pragmatic about the dress code.

"If there's free food and drink and I have to wear gold to get in, I'll do it."

The benches in Drizzly Manor were specially decked out in gold for the party and gold champagne flowed throughout the evening.


PC Wille Wyme and the Fribble Agro

Police Constable Willie Wyme wore gold lamé 
trousers which offset his uniform rather nicely against the contours of the gold bench. Lord Brassica's trousers, however, brought two words to mind: Gary and Glitter

Lord Root Brassica did his best in a gold tunic but, as usual, looked ridiculous.  His former fiance, Tamsin Pink, radiated sweetness and light and big green shoes, accompanied by Garçon Orange, a French fellow with a Toulouse Lautrec moustache and a very silly beret. They are rumoured to be engaged.


Garçon  Orange and Tamsin Pink
  




Guests made a credible effort to deck themselves out for the gold theme. With the one notable exception.

Fashion pundits everywhere will be asking what Lady Jessica was thinking when she set out for a gold-themed party in a silver dress. An ill-judged single act of rebellion might be forgiven but her claim that Innocent told her the theme was silver just beggars belief.  


Want the latest fashion gossip? Follow The Fashion Channel Online





The Fashion Channel Online 

You know what we're gonna talk about, don't you?  That Dress!  


#pussycatbritches  OMG what was she thinking? Can't believe it. In total shock

#itsnotfair      it's not fair what Frank Fashion said. Lady J might be old but calling her the Bondage Fairy is just mean

#ropedude    who said BONDAGE yeah I'm up for it

#uptomyearsinshoes    If everybody else new the dresscode was gold why didnt she?

#yeahman    Im with u their man it dont make sense

#innocenttilguilty   I think she was trying to upstage Innocent or embarrass her and that's not on

#yeahman    yeah like i sed im with u their

#spellcheckmiggy    You guys are so critical but you can't even spell

#uptomyearsinshoes    git a live losser

#pussycatbritches   OMG Lady Jess is like so TOTALLY my hero!!! 

#metwo     Me 2

#Hood-D     Innocent stood up to the ruling classes by making Lady B look like a twat 

#biffobustsstuffup   who cares we got free food and drink all night

#lordrootrules    Here's a selfie I took at the party. Slept on the seafront with my guitar LOL




#ropedude    Which one is the bondage babe? The sliver one or the gold one?

#spellcheckmiggy   The silver one you idiot

#trollguy   Did anyone see Lord Brassica in Paris Mismatch? Seems to have his hand down his pants for some reason

#itsnotfair   it's not fair that his horse has to be wrapped up in gold just because that slut Innocent throws a gold party. This is animal abuse. Long life Lady Jess!

#innocenttilguilty    get lost horseface. Innocent ROCKS!!!! 

#uptomyearsinshoes     lick i said git a liff

#luvzluvlyclothes     What's wrong with silver? I thought Lady Jess looked awesome

#metwo    Me 2

#yeahman   im with u there man shes HOT!!!!!!

#innocenttilguilty    But have you seen Innocent????  Seriously she is so hot I am burning my hands typing this

#pussycatbritches   I think you ought to declare your interest though. You run the Innocent fanclub. I've seen your website.

#innocenttilguilty   I've got an interest in Innocent alright! And it ain't innocent!  LOL


The Island Independent.

Paradise Island's only independent paper

Tuesday January 7, 2014

Two elderly women and one man were rescued from the Fribble seafront in the early hours of New Year's Day following a party at Drizzly Manor in which two women came into conflict about the party's dress code. Twin sisters Cora and Dora Boran, were found near the seafront benches at 3.44 am.

Cora and Dora Boran
Dora, 87, was thought to be carrying suspicious goods as the basket of her walking frame contained two guitars belonging to Lord Root Brassica of Drizzly Manor. Lord Root was found in a state of drunkeness nearby and said he intended to spend the night there. His head rested on an expensive gold bag allegedly belonging to his wife Innocent, the party hostess.  The bag  contained several Gold credit cards and a great deal of cash.

"My wife wanted me to take the bag home," Root told officer Willie Wyme at the scene. "But it was too heavy so I gave my guitars to Dora to carry."

"I feel I let young Root down," said Dora. "They were so heavy and it took me three hours to walk to the seafront."

Cora Boran, 87, was earlier seen using her walking frame to smash up a bench at Drizzly Manor and was cautioned about destroying private property. Both women were taken home by PC Wyme while Root Brassica was allowed to remain until morning.

Lady Innocent declined to comment on the large bills run up while her Gold card was in her husband's possession.